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You need to get off your ass and invest your life savings into cryptocurrency right now! What are you waiting for? Don’t you know the Winklevoss twins are like gazillionaires?
It doesn’t matter that you don’t understand it. You don’t want to be left behind when your dry cleaner goes out of business because they bought one bitcoin nine years ago and just found it.
What To Do To Make a Jillion in Crypto TodayLog on to a website that is constantly down due to overuse. Wait four hours.When it comes back, after freezing all transactions, input all of your personal information. Seriously, this is safe. Hold your passport up to the camera and smile!Now add your banking information so you can get crypto today. It’s safe. It’s just like PayPal, but without any regulations or anyone watching over it. Haven’t you heard of blockchain?Research blockchain.Don’t worry that blockchain doesn’t make any sense to you after doing research for seven straight hours. Just finish adding your checking account.Now add your credit card. No, it’s because then you can get crypto today. The bank thing takes like a week. You get charged more, but you get access today to what will make you a jillion dollars.Now decide how much you want to spend. It should be at or near your life savings because this isn’t a volatile market at all. Going up and down 5,000 points in a day is just how blockchain works.Take a break now. Just so you are sure you want to be rich.
Photo by on The Finishing Touches on Your Future Fortune“Fortune always favors the brave, and never helps a man who does not help himself.”— P. T. BarnumNow buy 0.000001 bitcoin. I know it doesn’t sound like a lot, but in two years it will definitely be five million dollars. Blockchain is like science.Now do research on smaller coins that will make even more money. This will take you seven weeks just to get an idea of what is real and what is not. But it’s all in the name of getting rich. You want to be rich, right?Now go onto another website that is hard to navigate, but has a lot of cool graphs and stuff. Even some pie charts. Make another account and add all of your personal information again.Now transfer the bitcoin you bought to this site. No, it’s just that you can’t buy the little coins where you bought your 0.000001 bitcoin. You have to do that on another site.Now get an app to track your transactions because the details will be a little murky when you start actually buying. You want to make sure your “coins” are safe at all times.Now choose a small coin that has only been supported by a tiny white paper. But plenty of people online like it. Buy it.P.S. — Twitter people are friendly. Always send them your passwords. They will help you earn more bitcoin.This is blockchain. Us, working together — to get rich.
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You are basically rich now! And part of something really big.
“Mobile was Internet 2.0. It changed everything. Crypto is Internet 3.0.”— Gil PenchinaMy Personal Crypto Journey
I went on Twitter one day and followed a bunch of crypto gurus. This always works. People are just friendly.
I gave them my information over a DM on Twitter and they set up all my of accounts and bought me the top crypto coins that week.
It’s bananas!
After they got my account set up with my initial seed money (I’m so Silicon Valley now) of $465.14, I went to walk my dog.
You will not believe this…
By the time I had picked up my dog’s second poop, my $465.14 was close to a trillion dollars! They said it was a really good day.
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I am going to get this car. But they said I had to let the coins sit for a while. There is some rule that you can’t make a trillion the first day and if you do, you have to wait seven years to collect your money.
It’s fine. Twitter friends are way safer than the friends I have known my whole life who work in finance and securities.
I can wait seven years.
My Next Step
Since I know how to make a trillion dollars while walking my dog, life is limitless.
I quit my job!
I told my bosses:
Sayonara, bitches. I just made a trillion in crypto.
Now I want to help you. DM me your info on Twitter and I will DM it to my crypto group, which is totally legit.
In seven years we will both be living in a castle.
You’re welcome.
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